Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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