Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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