He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
