That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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