Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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