I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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