Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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