To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
