I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
