she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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