He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
