yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
