thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
