I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
