Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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