4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
