im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
