if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
