I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
