the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
