people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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