how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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