Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
