i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Come on in and take your pants off
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