I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
