There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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