If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
