Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
