so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
