I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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