I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
