if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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