it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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