so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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