I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize