I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
