Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
