i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
