Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
