he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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