If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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