they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
