The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
