Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
