the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
