he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
