I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
