i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
