I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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