it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
