The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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