i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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