All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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