My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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