So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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