If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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