woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
