i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
