I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
His nipple licking is glorious
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