VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
