The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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