D3 body, D1 cock
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just cut my nipple shaving
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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