I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
