oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
