Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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