it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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