Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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