it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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