Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
