as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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