At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its not stalking. its research.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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