OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
