I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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