I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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