Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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