Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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