i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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