i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
