she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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