at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
