If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
